Do you judge yourself or others? Are you affected by how others judge you?
I love this story about judgment that I heard again recently, I think it is a rendition of an Aesop’s Fable (as is the picture):
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked beside him. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later they passed some people who remarked, “What a shame! He makes that little boy walk.” They then decided they both would walk.
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal, and he feel into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye. Or more on point – try to please all and you will please none.
First of all, I want you to remember that you can’t please everyone. And you should not even try. In fact, my best advice is to not even let pleasing anyone be an issue for you. Because it really doesn’t matter what other people think of you. It really doesn’t. And it is never really even about YOU.
What is judgment? Judgment is projection – plain and simple. And while judgment is fear based and not necessarily a pleasant thing, projection is great! It is the gift in judgment ~ it puts the things in your life in perspective.
For example, if you are at the grocery store and you see an obese woman do you automatically go to “wow, she is fat!” or do you think, “wow, she must have had a lot of struggles in her life – I bet she is a really strong woman!” Sadly most people go with the first one and while both of these statements may be true, the first one is projection. You can feel the difference in your body. While the second statement is more compassionate the first one is a trigger. It makes you feel angry for some reason. It triggers a negative emotional response inside you.
Here is how to use this information for your own alignment:
Ask yourself “how am I that?” What is it about being fat that you are judging yourself for? She is merely a mirror of you and reflecting back something that needs healing for you. “Haha”, you may be saying “I’m not even fat so that can’t be true”. Well guess what? It goes way beyond this.
Ask yourself “what kind of person is fat”? Are you coming up with some words like: lazy, weak, slob, no self-esteem, no self-control, lonely, depressed …GOOD! Now let’s do this again – ask yourself “how am I that?” Look at these words you thought of one by one until you feel triggered. Maybe more than one of them trigger you. When they trigger – you’ve found it!
This is a great place to start discovering what would be in your highest good right now to heal. Becoming aware of how you feel weak or have no self-esteem, or whatever it may be for you, gives you a place to start. If it’s simple you may be able to heal it on your own, if it’s a bigger issue you may want to seek assistance in clearing it.
We judge in different ways and the truth is, we all judge at times. Even though it feels awful after we do it, remember it is a good thing and don’t be ashamed of that. As long as we recall that this person/place/thing is just a mirror reflecting back to us what we need to see in ourselves and heal, then we can use this as a tool to do just that, heal.
And when you are being judged just know that it is not about YOU, it is always about them and their own reflections and personal healing.
Feel better? Good! And if you want to ride the donkey then just ride it – who cares what they think?
Yes I’ve written about judgment before! Click on this link if you would like to read that article!
Have you ever felt ashamed of how someone judged you or how you judged someone else? Can you see now how it was a projection? Comment below and let me know!
Laura, I LOVE your blogs and am very proud of you and what you are doing. And I pray we both agree, there is only ONE JUDGE! I LOVE YOU!
Laura – Great Post! I hadn’t heard this perspective on judgement before. I like how you take something negative we all tend to do, and turn it in to something positive that can help us improve. Thanks!
Wonderful post and questions! This is actually one of the things that I was reminded of again most recently… that whenever people upset me, it’s really something within myself that I’m upset with. However, I never was quite able to put it so eloquently in questions. My process of introspection is much more organic… I just go inside and ask “what’s up?” and I realize what’s going on. I love this! Thank you for sharing.
One of the most difficult aspects of being a writer is that you really can’t please everyone – there is no way that every single person is going to like your essay, book, short story, etc. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge the opinion/judgement/point of view and move on. Thanks for reminding me to keep it light and to keep on keeping on!
Yes, everyone is a mirror for us. And when people say something to us about us, they are merely describing themselves and therefore, you needn’t take offense or feel bad. Understand that they are sharing about themselves. I too have written about judgments and made a video on mirroring. I work on judgment often because the habits are there but they are dwindling. Being present and mindful is a great asset too.
I like your questions about what being fat may mean to you. It may not be the physical form but what it represents.
Always from the heart!
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I think our tendency to judge comes from the desire to defend against what we recognize. I think wanting to please others comes from many childhood dynamics – wanting to please parents – and never moving beyond that. I know that growing up with highly judgmental people does teach you to judge others (so sad how children are taught that) and then of course you also learn how you can’t please people (but end up defeated by your efforts). Such important things to learn!
Lovely article Laura I love your story and the explanation of the energy too. I have in the past been worried about people having negative opinions of me and it is hard to remember sometimes that it is about them, but this knowledge is really helpful and comforting for us.
Awesome post! I concluded awhile back that without judgment we cannot differentiate one thing from another so I’d take it a step further and say that we all judge all of the time. None-the-less it is so easy to allow judgment to be deeply negative in our lives and I love how you give a really concrete step to take in order to move to the positive polarity of judgment. Thanks Laura!
Thank you so much for sharing!! It is so easy to take on people’s judgments about us. Instead if you ask yourself; “is that something they judge in themselves?” life get’s a lot easier. Your post was a reminder of that 🙂